Jackie Eternity

Underneath a star-speckled sky, a mother lies with her child. Wind whispers through the open square, chilling the night despite the season, but the child does not mind, bedecked as he is in his stone blanket. Nor therefore does the mother. The mother is telling the child stories, and the child is listening mutely. She describes her last few months staying with his siblings, detailing the shock on their faces when she appeared at their doors, recounting their strained smiles as she told them she’d be staying with them, laughing at their futile attempts to hide the states of their homes before showing her in. The child does not laugh back. That is okay.

The mother goes on. She tells the child about her big tour, seeing what his siblings have made of their lives, learning about their activities these days. All such grown-up things. Janie has finally taken the plunge and joined Lorah’s Cows. Jakob is studying with the Scholars. Jolene has started her own business. They are all such good kids. So is he, the mother tells him. The child does not respond. That is alright.

Gently, the mother tells the child that she will be leaving. That she will be undertaking a journey, like she used to before having all his siblings. That she needs to do this for herself. Still the child does not react. That is enough.

Finally, the mother comes as close to the child as she can, forehead pressed against the pile of wrapper-decorated rocks. “Jimmy,” she whispers to the grave, “you know I love you? You know that, don’t you? You know I’ll always love you, no matter what?” Jimmy does not reply. Jimmy is dead. That is okay.

Jimmy is dead, and his mother accepts that. But that doesn’t change how she feels. Jimmy doesn’t need to be alive for the mother to love him so hard it makes her chest hurt. So hard he’ll be able to feel it no matter where he is.

The mother curls next to the grave of her son, feeling the Summer breeze lick away the tears that fall, hoping that wherever Jimmy is, he is winning dares and picking fights with creatures ten times his size.